CYHA News

Ten Reasons why not to go Tramping in New Zealand

If you believe the brochures, NZ is a mecca for trampers, and as some members of the group have relocated there (and one has disappeared without trace) I decided to go and find out for myself what the attraction is. I took the well-worn tourist trail (and strayed from it as well.) and luckily, had four months to delve below the surface to find out what it's really like. After many miles and much musing, I found I had listed ten reasons why not to go tramping in New Zealand.

1. Too many people are doing it

Since Peter Jackson made his tramping movie, starring the NZ landscape, there has been an influx of tourists and wannabee trampers into the country,  many of who have never walked before, let alone been on a backpacking trip. Consequently, you see lots of people in brand new boots struggling to carry enormous rucksacks, containing everything bar the kitchen sink, and complaining about having to carry their empty tins/bottles/wine boxes out of the huts. On the opposite extreme are super-fit Israelis who have just completed their national service, walking 60km in one night with only a handful of dates to eat, who make you feel incredibly wimpish. And you can turn a corner to find a group of immaculate Japanese tourists wearing visors and white gloves, smiling sweetly as you avoid splashing them with mud as you struggle past.

2. Distances

Approximately two days in three involve tramping through native bush. New Zealand bush can look very beautiful (and sometime blue in the right lighting) but eventually becomes very boring indeed, unless you are  needing many hours of solitude to work through deep seated personal issues, or are working out the plot of a complex novel. And you rarely get the satisfaction of enjoying the view from the summit of a hill because they are just too big.

3. Pesticides

Maori and later settlers systematically slashed and burned area of bush (which is the NZ heritage) and currently large areas are being reinstated by the Department of Conservation. The problem is that there are now more possums than people, munching their way through large quantities of vegetation every night, and stripping bark from the trees. The cute possums (and even cuter stoats), originally invited guests, are now public enemies (numbers one and two), and because they are contributing the decline in numbers of flightless and ground nesting native birds, are being systematically trapped or poisoned. Therefore, on the trails, you may see the grisly sight of stoat traps, or even rotting possums hanging from trees. Worse, the NZ government endorses the use of 1080 poison (sodium fluoroacetate) which is banned almost everywhere else in the world. It is officially sanctioned in New Zealand only because there are no native mammals, but its use is extremely controversial, and where it has been used, sadly, there is a noticeable absence of birdsong in the bush, and some very unpleasant smells. Plant pests are targeted too, gorse in particular, but also anything else that dares to stray on to the path (or spoil the tourists' picnic areas). Vegetation is sprayed lurid pink or blue so the days of idly plucking and munching wayside grasses as you amble along are over in New Zealand - you don't even want to touch the stuff!

4. Huts

Unlike our cosy stone bothies with fireplaces, the NZ huts are built of corrugated steel, which in inclement weather, introduces percussive effects into your nocturnal experiences. Furthermore, the sleeping platforms are multi-storey, which means that there are a large number of water bottles which can fall from a great height at intervals during the night, usually followed closely by people apologising profusely. The people then start crawling around the floor amongst the contents of exploded rucksacks, in pursuit of their bottles, which have now rolled into an almost inaccessible and dark recesses. This of course is familiar territory for climbers, who relish the challenge of exploring crevices and clambering over obstacles...... Need I go on.....?

5. Weather.

The Milford Track is claimed to be the best walk in the world, but the leaflet admits "you must expect at least one day of rain". But when it rains 200 days of the year the odds are actually worse than this and you may get absolutely soaked and see nothing at all. Or of course you can be blinded by snow and unable to proceed without excellent alpine skills.

6. Clothing

In order to be credible on the tramp and not look like a tourist, you need to wear multi-coloured stripy polypropylene leggings with ill-fitting shorts (made of a synthetic quick-drying fabric) over the top of them. Even in hot weather you need to wear gaiters, enormous boots and a beanie (woollen hat) You need to look as if you've been in the wilderness for many weeks (this  comes very naturally to some of us!) and be impervious to wind, rain, snow or blazing sunshine. More of a challenge!

7. Rivers

No proper tramp avoids fording a river, and some, following old Maori routes, actually go along the river beds. The problem is that rivers can rise rapidly, and the difficulties are compounded by Kiwis with 4x4s and too much testosterone driving their vehicles along the banks, so that the rivers frequently change their courses. The second problem is a biohazard - didymo. You will have had your boots carefully disinfected at the airport on arrival in New Zealand, partly becauseof concern about this "rock snot" algae which has infected formerly pristine rivers. Didymo is affecting fish stocks and damaging boat engines, as well as looking very unsightly when it 'blooms' on the water. Biosecurity NZ instructs that you must not carry it from one river to another, and you must either find a didymo cleaning station (difficult in the bush!) or allow your clothes three days to dry out before proceeding. Or you just carry on, but with a bad conscience.

8. Keas

These highly intelligent inquisitive alpine parrots hang around car parks and mountain huts, and, thanks to visitors, enjoy a varied diet supplemented by bootlaces, rubber, and Gore-Tex. So if you leave your wet boots on the veranda you are likely to find a boot kit in the morning with essential parts missing, presumably in a kea's stomach. They also enjoy shredding waterproof clothing and in broad daylight will brazenly 'mug' you for your meagre rations, or open and empty your water bottle.

9. Sandflies

These make Scottish midges seem positively benign. They are usually most in evidence at the end of your walk, when you are waiting for your lift to arrive or planning to overnight. The only way to avoid them is to keep on the move, which is alright unless you are so exhausted that you can't walk another step. Then you have no alternative but to offer up your body to these voracious creatures, which will bite every exposed bit of flesh, even below your watchstrap where the insect repellent couldn't penetrate. Bites last for days and itch furiously, and the scars can be an enduring memory of your holiday.

10. Global Warming

If you feel at all concerned about your carbon footprint and environmental degradation, you may be troubled about using the equivalent of a lifetime's petrol just to take a holiday. Tramping might be a low impact activity, but flying across the world certainly isn't! Quite apart from the fact that you are likely to spend the first three days suffering from jet lag, you will need another week to recover when you get home. Worse than the very worst journey on the M6!

So, the final verdict, after lots of tramping, lots of weather some excellent company, and 'awesome' scenery, is how very lucky we are to have our public footpaths, offering an infinite variety of walks to suit different weather conditions and abilities. We also have welcoming and characterful public houses and teashops and museums to retire to when conditions finally defeat you. At risk of sounding like a Whingeing Pom, honestly, I'd rather take my walking holidays at home!

Trudi